The Hippie Stage
I think everyone goes through that 'phase' in their life. The one where they try anything they can get their hands on. Weed. Cocaine. VHS porn...
The Lucky Bachelor NEW
Bachelor and bachelorette parties are a weird beast. I've been friends with Cousin for such a long time that she asked me to be her 'Man of Honour', and plan her bridal shower, and bacherlorette...
I sign up for twitter, and spread some awesome
A year on twitter
Screen shots of my favourite tweets from the past year
The Bud Light Cruise story, and the now infamous 'Shit Happens' follow up.
Close doesn't count
I've been drunk before. But when you win a trip on a Bud Light cruise ship, you start to realize your potential for being a real alcoholic. Free booze, bitches. I put on 14 pounds in 3 days. It wa...
Shit happens FAVOURITE
I had so much fun on the Bud Light cruise that I went to all the Bud Light parties the next summer to try and win again. No such luck. In fact. Terrible, terrible luck. The last party night, I went wi...
Vegas
Repercussions
Vegas part duex
The stars align - legendary nightsVegas
Repercussions
I've been to Vegas a couple of times. The first time I was there, I set the bar pretty high. I really had no idea what to expect. My buddy Jess and I made an itinerary to make sure we hit all the nigh...
Vegas part duex
I've been trying to find ways to kill myself since I was little. I once got a subscription to Sports Illustrated that ended in collections agency calls to my parents. Because I was twelve, and gave th...
Things are going my way (Taylor Swift topless)
Have you ever had one of those nights where everything just works? Where you're in an awesome mood, and everyone you talk to just does what you say? Even if you say, "Make out with me. Put your hand d...
Blessed infidelity FAVOURITE
The story is the same every time. Not that I'm complaining. Married women. Who are more sexually inclined or have a stronger libido or whatever than their stupid fucking retards of husbands that don't...
Hoes and Fros
Guinea pig FAVOURITE
I'm a good friend. When Cousin was going through esthetician school, she needed a model for one of her practical exams. She asked around, but because it was on a Friday afternoon, everyone else was in...
Hoes and Fros
My birthday parties are on a continuous upward swing. Every year I think it's going to be impossible to top the last one. Every year, I do. I started saving and planning for my last birthday party about 6 months before, which...
Diary of a puker
Every year my birthday parties seem to get progressively more awesome. At least... from what I remember. There have only been a few times that I have gotten drunk enough to actually be sick. Four tota...
Writing about my last birthday reminded me about the previous birthday that I had gone totally overboard with a few years earlier. I invited close to a hundred people to come on a pub crawl birthday p...
Beer fest FAVOURITE (also in the Ruben chronicles)
Ruben tends to keep his ear to the ground in the world of getting drunk. He heard that there was a beer fest coming to town, and he asked me to go with him. I think between the two of us, we bought close to...
I've mentioned it before. And, I've decided that it's time for another horror story. I've only been drunk to the point of sickness four times. I've already mentioned three. The fourth was the most rec...
So, either I can't count, or I was trying to repress the memory. I've actually drank to the point of vomiting five times. Not four. I'm planning a trip to the tropics again, and I was reminiscing abou...
The Ruben chronicles
Ruben the great
The Ruben chronicles
Ruben the great
I came home from a night out a couple years ago to find a very muscular man sleeping in the hallway just outside my condo. He had pissed himself, and vomit - well, mostly liquor - soaked the carpet un...
Beer fest FAVOURITE (also in diary of a puker)
Ruben tends to keep his ear to the ground in the world of getting drunk. He heard that there was a beer fest coming to town, and he asked me to go with him. I think between the two of us, we bought close to...
There was a wicked lineup this year. I swear the thing gets better every time. Give you an idea of the time I had through my text messages: Me: I'm at BOOOOOOOONSTOOOOOOOCK!!!!!!! Cousin: :D how much ...
Because Ruben and I were dangerous destructive forces when we drank together, there was a time when we started taking road trips to neighboring cities to go out. Yes, it was getting to the point where...
The younger years
Encounters of a sexual kind FAVOURITE
There was a time in my life when I had yet to experience really anything sexual. Hard to believe... but we were all there at one point. It wasn't until I was about thirteen that I had my first real ho...
I remember my first time like it was this afternoon. No, it wasn't this afternoon. Stop trying to be funny. I'd met the girl on Sunday. At church. By Tuesday we were parked in her dad's Jeep naked. Bu...
I've moved around a lot. Building a new social circle over and over becomes a bit of a tiresome task, but I have gotten pretty good at it. But, back in the day, I relied on some less than proven metho...
After university, I found myself without money. And, even though my relationship with my parents was pretty tense, I decided to move home so I could pay down some debts and get ahead a bit. Living at ...
I've spent my fair share of time on internet dating sites. Enough to know with certainty that every woman who is on those sites is FUCKING CRAZY. Most of my website dating meetups were catastrophi...
I'm so fucking glad I wasn't born 15 years earlier than I was. Or in the Midwest. Hair. Short and curly hair. I fucking hate it. I've watched the porno 'classics' from the 80's. Holy shit, dude. Seriously? Were real razors not invented yet? How does that ev...
I think everyone goes through that 'phase' in their life. The one where they try anything they can get their hands on. Weed. Cocaine. VHS porn. As a kid I was vehemently against drugs. And was about as active as a nerdy white kid can get without ever standi...
Everything else
The beginning of something horny
First blog post
First blog post
Games night
Dirty charades and the tourette syndrome support group
Dirty charades and the tourette syndrome support group
Wingman fail
One night for a forty
Getting hammered at the movies is fun times, whisky dick is not
Getting hammered at the movies is fun times, whisky dick is not
A midsummer night's orgy
Summer at the lake house leads to crazy shit
Summer at the lake house leads to crazy shit
The girl in the jean miniskirt
Stalkers and the best wingman in the world
Stalkers and the best wingman in the world
The grinch who stole Halloween
How one night cost me $18,000
How one night cost me $18,000
Party rockin the all ages crowd
LMFAO concert
LMFAO concert
Accidentally more awesome
Oops, this going away party just took it to the next level
Oops, this going away party just took it to the next level
Drug induced amnesia
The (so far) only night I've ever been roofied
The (so far) only night I've ever been roofied
That actually happened - part 1 (mini stories)
Getting caught fucking on my friend's couch, and the pink bicycle
That actually happened - part 2 (mini stories)
Giving my friend's mom a lap dance, going home with the jagermeister girls
Giving my friend's mom a lap dance, going home with the jagermeister girls
