Because... vagina
I was visiting Cousin, and had to crash at her place. One of my fuck buddies wanted to hook up, so I did all the ground work, and found out when I would have the place to myself.
I did not tell Cousin. Or her boyfriend.
So, you can imagine his surprise when he came home to grab one last thing before the road trip, and had me yelling at him. "Don't come downstairs. You need to not come the rest of the way around the corner."
I tossed a blanket on my sexy compadre and threw my jeans back on.
"What are you fucking doing?"
I pointed at the blanket.
"Oh thank God. I thought you were by yourself."
Charity bang
I don't drink around my family often. Like never.
I've been drunk around my dad once. In Africa. It was kind of one of those once in a lifetime things, so I went for it.
But, when I was invited to a black tie charity event that my whole family was invited to, I couldn't help myself.
There was Hennessy, and free wine.
I hit on a woman who'd lost both her breasts to breast cancer.
I convinced several people to sponsor African children.
Then I collected all the chocolates from the center pieces, and threw them at people until I got sent to my room.
So I called a local fuck buddy, and she left her Christmas party and met me at the hotel.
Unzip, aim, fire
After a trip to the lakehouse, Cousin had a few bottles from the winery there that she wanted to share with friends.
So a wine night was planned.
We went to a friend's place and got shitty. The memories are blurred, but I do remember burning holes in the carpet because the hookah was knocked over.
Twice.
And, of course, I remember peeing off the balcony.
There was a child's pink bike with training wheels below me.
Which, to me, just looks like a target for pee practise.
