Is it just me, or do girls start looking hot a lot younger than they used to?
My buddy Ruben and I were on a road trip one time, and we stopped for gas. There was this absolutely stunning girl walking to her car as we pulled up.
Ruben was like, "Holy crap, that chic is super hot... Jesus, she's like 15. Wow, I'm such a creeper."
Thing is, if she didn't have such a baby face, she could have totally been 20. I honestly wanted to introduce myself and say, "Seriously, the day you turn 18, call me. I will wreck you."
We must be adding more hormones or [insert other conspiracy shit] to our water supply.
Whatever it is, I've learned that if I'm not at a bar, I absolutely must ask for proof of age.
For me, going to a concert is an adult activity. I drink, I finger girls I grind with, and I always make out with at least one girl.
It's like going to the bar. Only, easier, because you don't have to talk.
At all.
I didn't realize that the shows I might go to might also be all ages shows until I went to an LMFAO concert dressed up as Red Foo.
I was the only guy there in costume, and it was seriously convincing. I had a couple people come up and ask for an autograph before they realized I wasn't actually him. I was barely ten feet in the door before I had people running up taking pictures with me.
It was epic.
So many times, I'd be getting a picture with a group of insanely hot girls, and I'd ask them how old they were.
Can you guess the average?
Thirteen.
Fucking THIRTEEN!
If Cousin wasn't there to reign me in a bit, I could have been in serious trouble with the law. I had one fifteen year old rubbing me through my animal print tights while her friend took pictures. I had to slap her hand away more than once.
And then I started drinking.
The night wasn't a complete bust. I did find a few girls over the age of consent to make out with.
Actually, one of them I only found because her boyfriend asked me to get pictures with her.
I picked her up and slammed her against a wall. She wrapped her legs around me and made out with me while her boyfriend took the pictures.
Ha.
Chump.
