I have. Doesn't happen all the time, but when the stars align, and I haven't had so much alcohol all I can think about is standing up straight, it happens.
And it's magical.
Like watching unicorns in slow motion (thank you mushrooms), winning a 'das boot' chugging contest, or finding the singular picture of Taylor Swift topless.
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| Yah, it's her |
1) I can remember them.
2) They were awesome.
3) One of them ended well.
The first was last summer. I had heard about a new bar in town and wanted to check it out, so I invited a few friends to meet me there.
It was an outdoor bar on the roof of a downtown building. The crowd was incredibly sexy, and we got there just at that perfect time - you know, right before the huge line, but not so early the place is empty.
When I started gaming (every girl there), everything just went right. I was literally collecting groups of women, and making them compete with each other.
I'd go back and sit with my friends, and there would be two groups right behind me. It was hilarious to watch them try to out-qualify each other as to why they should be the ones to join me at the booth.
But, as soon as it looked like one group was getting close to a win, I'd wander off and leave them there.
And go get some more.
At one point, my buddy Agent said, "Dude, you need to stop adding, and start subtracting. Figure out which ones you're taking home tonight."
I switched up my game and started narrowing down the prospects.
When I picked one, I told Agent and his girlfriend to come dance with us.
There we are, grinding on the dance floor, and Agent looks down at the girl I'm with, then at his girlfriend, then at me and yells, "Manual SCISSOR!"
So we each grabbed a leg of the girl we were with and pushed the girls together crotch first.
Yep.
Manual scissor on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure their labia actually touched. Neither of them were wearing much.
Nothing like mashing some clits together under the summer moonlight.
When we went back to the booth, we had to shoo away other girls that were waiting for my return.
Agent farted in one of their faces because she had sat down, and was not willing to get up until I talked to her.
She went away.
I looked at Agent and said, "Meet me downstairs in a few minutes. I have to take a giant bar duece. Don't leave..." I said, pointing at the girl I'd picked, "without her."
I saw understanding on his face.
No, this isn't another shit story. My bar shit went surprisingly well. And then I went down to the entrance to wait for everyone. So I waited.
And waited.
I sat with a couple of girls that were near the stairs so I could see my friends coming. Made out with both of them, and judged them on their kissing talent. They compared notes, and then I made out with them again.
And I still waited.
Until the bar was closing down, I waited at the stairs making out with more hot women.
It was awful. I hate waiting.
Finally, they all showed up as the lights were coming on.
Except, the girl who I was taking home was no longer able to walk. Agent, in all his wisdom, decided to do shots with her until I returned. Apparently unaware that I was not returning. She was tripping on her shoes, falling over every few steps, and basically being carried by Agent.
And I don't mean 'oops, I'm tipsy' falling over. Like, falling on her face falling over. Her elbows were a mess.
I looked at Agent. "Well, I can't fuck her NOW. What the hell did you do to her?"
She apologized for being so drunk and fell over.
Agent grabbed her top and pulled it down to her navel. "BOOBIES!" She laughed and pulled the fabric back over her nipples.
And fell over.
I didn't even crack a smile. Or help her up.
All I was thinking was, "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK."
Yah. No pussy for me, even after an awesome night like that.
It was like watching 'The Sixth Sense' or all six seasons of 'LOST'. It all seemed to be going so well, and then... WHAT THE FUCK?
The second night I remember was the first time I slept with a married woman.
But that's another story...
