My brother is a pretty solid guy.
Well, he is now... most of the time.
Every once in a while when he's my wingman he still brings up the shitty things I used to do to him when he was a kid. Like the time I broke his collarbone delivering newspapers and made him walk home. Or the time he was following me up stairs and I kicked him in the face. Or the time I threw a ball of ice at his head and knocked him unconscious.
Things I probably would have been more/remotely apologetic about if it had not taken him until the age of fourteen to grow a functioning brain.
By the time he was done high school, we actually got along really well. We didn't go on windy walks and hold hands, but we did go to college parties together and destroy campus apartments.
He got himself signed on to leave the country for a couple of years, and I decided to throw him a going away party. And since it was close to his birthday, we made it a combined party.
One of the best house parties I've ever thrown.
There was a disco ball and a dance floor. Enough food to feed an army. Black lights. Video projection. Club music, which I had pre-DJ'd. A fully stocked bar. And, of course, me.
I invited everyone.
People I'd never met before showed up.
Including one particularly cute Japanese girl. Who had apparently never had beef on a bun before - she nearly ate the whole pot. Anyway, we'll call her Mimi.
There's a small back story about her, though.
A few weeks earlier, I had started hanging out with a girl who had just recently returned from Japan. She was there as an English teacher, and had invited one of the friends she met there to come visit her.
It wasn't until the going away party that I found out what she had actually been doing in Japan, and how she met Mimi in the first place. And, it wasn't because she was teaching English.
Mimi spoke maybe a dozen words of English. But the first four I heard her say warmed my cockles.
In the worst Japanese broken English I've ever heard, she asked, "I strip for you?"
Holy fuck. What?
It took me exactly one point six seconds to get over the shock and reply, "Yes, he would love that."
My friend had to explain to me that she was, in fact, a stripper from Japan. And, when she had been told that it was my brother's birthday, Mimi decided she wanted to give him a gift he would remember.
I was handed a CD.
She apparently had a soundtrack, and had brought it with her to the party. It literally said, "Strip sound track."
I was also immediately no longer interested in Mimi's friend.
Mimi changed into her outfit, my brother was blind folded, and I turned on the music.
She came out in what I can only describe as a neon orange chain link fence - like the kind you see at a construction site, only made of nylon and incredibly sexier - and a g-string.
Her nipples were sticking through two of the holes, and you could clearly see down almost to her clit.
She pulled the blindfold off of my brother's smiling face, and the smile grew.
"Best. Birthday. Ever," he said.
I took pictures.
You know, for posterity. Or blackmail.
And then I asked Mimi on a date. To which, she nodded enthusiastically. At least, she nodded enthusiastically to whatever had been translated to her by... whatever-her-name-was.
I kind of wish she had stayed a little longer. Seeing a girl who doesn't talk is just about as perfect as it can get. Especially one that enjoys 'wolking' for me for free.
