I'm so fucking glad I wasn't born 15 years earlier than I was.
Or in the Midwest.
Hair.
Short and curly hair. I fucking hate it.
I've watched the porno 'classics' from the 80's. Holy shit, dude. Seriously? Were real razors not invented yet? How does that even get that bad?
Even the first girl I ever went down on... who was a virgin... and a fucking MORMON... shaved. I suspect porn has a lot to do with that trend, but whatever the reason, thank you pussy gods.
But, it seems, despite the increasing availability of hair removal products and salons that will get that shit done for you, I have somehow STILL MANAGED to find a few odd creatures who let that fucking lotus garden grow.
I'm not saying I've ever gone down on a girl, and thought, "Oh shit, hair, I should stop", I'm just saying, I already floss.
There's few things worse than pulling up for a second to get that fucking hair out of your teeth.
I could name names.
But they all read my blog, so, I'll just say YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
And I have no problem pointing at it and saying things like, "What the fuck?" or "This needs to go" or "Jesus titty fucking Christ, do you not own a razor?"
I don't expect it to have been waxed this morning, but for fuck sake, does it have to look like you've shoved a maxi pad rolled in dead squirrel's tails down your gitch?
Yah, I said gitch, get over it. You have at least one pair that word perfectly describes.
I remember the first such experience vividly. Mostly because I hadn't started the drinking phase of my life yet.
I struggled with the idea of fucking her to begin with. Because she had the same name as my sister. And if you don't think ahead, and find yourself in the moment saying things like, "Yah, lick it and put it in your mouth, <sister's name>..." that moment becomes moderately unsexy. And it really sucks having to explain why you suddenly lost your boner mid blow job.
So, you can imagine my lack of enthusiasm when I peeled off her clothes and found a stash of pubic hair thicker than my wrist.
And, I'm all about a girl who gets wet when I touch her, but when she's just making the bottom layer sloppy, it's not so hot.
But despite all the setbacks, and as a guy who had a boner, I needed to destroy some vaj something awful, so I pushed through.
I mean I'm picky... but I'm not THAT picky.
